Wordy Woodpecker #7

One of my more embarrassing moments in my life happened during my freshman year in college (yet again, who doesn’t have embarrassing moments their freshman year?). When I get up in the morning, I am completely incapable of pretty much anything without my daily dose of magical elixir. Ah the sweet taste of caffeine. When I am in my early morning stupefied state, I tend to take really long showers, as I just sort of space out in the stall. Normally, the friendly reminders of “What the heck are you doing there!! Get out now!” manage to stop me spacing out, but this morning, almost everybody on my freshman floor had classes earlier than I, and so I soaked for a really long time until I finally remembered what I was doing. I walk back to my dorm room to find that the door is locked. Apparently my roommate was able to get up and leave in the time I wasted in the shower.

At first, I didn’t think the situation would be too serious. After all, plenty of other students on our floor had been locked out before, and they’d just ask the RA to unlock their door. It wouldn’t be too bad; it’s not like they haven’t seen me in a towel before. But a quick check revealed they were off at classes. A slight panic resulted, but then I had the idea of finding someone on the floor and seeing if they’d be willing to help me out by going to the Reslife building and telling the faculty there that I needed my door unlocked. I assured myself that it would be slightly more embarrassing, but shouldn’t be too bad. I walked around my floor only to find that everybody had already gone off to class. A panicked look at my watch revealed that my Chemistry test was in thirty minutes, meaning waiting it out wouldn’t work. I had to get my key, and quickly. I sat in the corner when the door to my room resided, breathing heavily and beginning to realize more and more how screwed I was. A troubling thought passed my head. In order to get my key in time, I would have to go outside cross the street and go to the Reslife building myself, all in only a towel. I would have to choose: would I sacrifice my dignity or my grades?

I chose to sacrifice my dignity, of course. I’m an engineer; I’ve already given up my dignity.

In order to get away with the least amount of attention toward me as possible, I decided that I must walk confidently. For some reason, people seem to notice someone in an embarrassing situation more if they are seen to be embarrassed. I gave myself a little pep talk, and out I went.

The first thing I noticed was how terribly cold concrete and asphalt can get after a chilly night. The embarrassment instantly set in, but luckily, I had faced no comments so far, only some double takes. Just a little further, and I could make it. The ResLife building was right in front of me, with its confortable air conditioning and occlusion. All that remained was a street that had to be crossed. I didn’t want to remain outside for any longer than I had to, so I quickly began to cross the street. Between feeling the cold burning into my feat and the burn of people’s stares, I was so distracted that I didn’t notice the black sports car coming my way.

BEEP!!!!

The deafening horn of the car that just slammed on its brakes to avoid hitting me greatly startled me, so much that I could feel my towel beginning to fall. For some reason, it always seems that the split second before a crisis time seems to go in slow motions as you realized just how bad things are going to get. But luckily, my quick reflexes allowed me to quickly reach down and grab the top end of the towel. My crotch was safely obscured from view. Of course, I only caught the top end, exposing my rear for all to see. I quickly heard the voice of someone screeching. It was the voice of a middle aged woman. Almost instinctually, I snapped around and saw a horrified tour group. At this point, I was so rattled that I didn’t care about my façade of confidence, I sprinted toward the ResLife building and quickly made my way to the desk where spare keys are handing out to help students who get locked out. I told the young worker that looked to be a student there of my situation, but the first he asked for was my ID.

Oh no he didn’t. Oh no he fucking didn’t.

I erupted into a rage. After all the crap I had been through, bullshit like this was the last thing I needed. I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it probably wasn’t too pleasant, to put it mildly. After an older worker chewed me out, now all the staff members there were staring at me, furthering my shame. Eventually, the man agreed to give me the key to my room after I had almost broken down into tears.

Suffice it to say, I didn’t do too well on the Chemistry test that I worked so hard to make.