Flippant Flamingo #7

I am embarrassed when I stand naked in front of one person, ten people, a hundred, or more. I’m not embarrassed by my nakedness. What I am embarrassed by is the fact that everyone else is embarrassed, turning away, turning red, refusing to look at me or acknowledge that I am standing in front of them, exposing myself.

I usually end up doing this once or twice a week. What can I say, I’m a glutton for punishment, and refuse to lie.

I am in a very uniquely embarrassing position in today’s America. I am loathed by both sides of a very heated argument, and unless I am willing to acquiesce to one side or the other by omission or outright denial, I end up right where I started- standing naked in front of a room full of others embarrassed by me.

I am, in a world that seems to be very dichotomous between “straight” and “gay,” the middle ground. Kinsey would qualify me as a three. Many religions call me a sinner. Many heterosexuals and homosexuals admonish me for “not making a decision.” Researchers barely recognize the existence of me and those like me in their studies of “non-heterosexual lifestyles.” Even those who are supporters are often confused and embarrassed to admit that they do support me.

I am a bisexual.

I am not waiting to make a decision. I am not trying to figure things out. I am not halfway on my way to coming out as a lesbian. I am, pure and simple, attracted to both sexes, and everything in between. I find no embarrassment in this or in proclaiming this.

However, I see in the disgusted looks at Pride celebrations, the akward silences when an unsuspecting grandparent asks “so, any boyfriends?” when my current relationship is a girlfriend, in the frustrations of significant others that I won’t “commit fully,” bad jokes that end with horribly bigoted punchlines, (usually told by those I thought of as accepting), the moniker BUG (Bi Until Graduation), and even in the badly worded questions like “soooooo….. you’re……… like………… into both?!?”

Acceptance of homosexuals, gay marriage, transsexuals and cross-dressers are a wonderful movement and should get as much support and celebration as is possible. However, every time I end up saying the words ‘actually, I’m bisexual”, essentially stripping myself naked in front of them, I see the embarrassment that the reality of my sexuality reappears in the eyes of my friends, my family, and strangers.

And I am embarrassed that they are embarrassed.