Precious Panda # 6
Thinking out of the box
I think Dubya will nominate some Butterbean look alike and that not a whole lot will change as a result. Sandra D. was one of six votes to preserve Roe in Casey, so abortions will still be safe. Most other big decisions lately except for Lawrence went conservative on 5-4’s anyway, so I really don’t think her resignation will have as big of an effect as many fear. That said, I have some suggestions for nominees who would make up for in hilarity what they lack in legal knowledge:
1) One of those really smart Apes that Jane Goodall taught to use sign language
Advantages: Every time Scalia references another justice in an opinion, she could be trained to hurl her own shit at him. The opinions of Justice Coco would be shorter than the average Thomas concurring, consisting mostly of “thank you” and “cookie.”
Disadvantages: Holding a gavel would be awkward.
Things to consider: How she’ll fit into a robe, whether or not constantly stroking her doll would get in the way of hearing cases, where her tire swing would fit in the court room.
2) Roberto Mendoza
Advantages: Easy and quick confirmation. Everybody loves The West Wing! Get ready for a privacy rights bonanza with Mendoza on the bench!
Disadvantages: Mendoza has a bit of a temper and could fly off the handle and beat the bejesus out of poor old Rehnquist should a discussion become heated.
Things to consider: How he will wind down after a controversial ruling given his physical inability to drink alcohol. If he could balance his duel role as Selena’s father and Supreme Court Justice.
3) Gizmo from the “Gremlins” series
Advantages: He could hum his opinions in that really soft, melodic tune. Justice Gizmo could also fire matchstick arrows at Stevens with his paperclip bow.
Disadvantages: What if he got wet? What is he was exposed to sunlight? What if somebody fed him after midnight? If you think about it, isn’t it always after midnight someplace? Does that mean that little Gizmo has NEVER EATEN ANYTHING? I’m not so sure an anorexic Gremlin is the sort of role model our children need on the bench these days.
Things to consider: Gizmo is small enough to be fired out of a potato gun.
I think Dubya will nominate some Butterbean look alike and that not a whole lot will change as a result. Sandra D. was one of six votes to preserve Roe in Casey, so abortions will still be safe. Most other big decisions lately except for Lawrence went conservative on 5-4’s anyway, so I really don’t think her resignation will have as big of an effect as many fear. That said, I have some suggestions for nominees who would make up for in hilarity what they lack in legal knowledge:
1) One of those really smart Apes that Jane Goodall taught to use sign language
Advantages: Every time Scalia references another justice in an opinion, she could be trained to hurl her own shit at him. The opinions of Justice Coco would be shorter than the average Thomas concurring, consisting mostly of “thank you” and “cookie.”
Disadvantages: Holding a gavel would be awkward.
Things to consider: How she’ll fit into a robe, whether or not constantly stroking her doll would get in the way of hearing cases, where her tire swing would fit in the court room.
2) Roberto Mendoza
Advantages: Easy and quick confirmation. Everybody loves The West Wing! Get ready for a privacy rights bonanza with Mendoza on the bench!
Disadvantages: Mendoza has a bit of a temper and could fly off the handle and beat the bejesus out of poor old Rehnquist should a discussion become heated.
Things to consider: How he will wind down after a controversial ruling given his physical inability to drink alcohol. If he could balance his duel role as Selena’s father and Supreme Court Justice.
3) Gizmo from the “Gremlins” series
Advantages: He could hum his opinions in that really soft, melodic tune. Justice Gizmo could also fire matchstick arrows at Stevens with his paperclip bow.
Disadvantages: What if he got wet? What is he was exposed to sunlight? What if somebody fed him after midnight? If you think about it, isn’t it always after midnight someplace? Does that mean that little Gizmo has NEVER EATEN ANYTHING? I’m not so sure an anorexic Gremlin is the sort of role model our children need on the bench these days.
Things to consider: Gizmo is small enough to be fired out of a potato gun.
posted by Anonymous at 2:03 PM
2 Comments:
this post rules.
oops, it's me, not Dan!
Post a Comment
<< Home